Hi, everyone. I'm still alive XD;

Doing good, actually.. Getting out more, and it's the summer break now so I'm first going on vacation with my dad and Aya (the good and not legal stepfather. uh not legal as in they're not married), and then Tass is taking me to the falls for five days. Eeeeee, our first vacation together. Of course.. he has to pretend to be my cousin and we can't share a room -.- but, there's sneaking! Sneaking works, and it's the best we can do right now, so.

I'm happy. :)

And I can't remember what the sex situation was last time I posted; but I can have sex again. First time since I stopped being able to was uhmmm.. about a month ago... maybe less. I'm not sure. But it was slow and gentle and Tass is just.. he's so perfect, I don't know what on earth I did to deserve him. And of course, it was amazing, as always, and then I WENT AND CRIED AFTERWARDS. IN THE GOOD WAY. UGH! >.< GROSS. Full of ick, to quote sex and the city. But he was really nice about it and hugged me and made me laugh and then.. we.. did it again. Hee.

So, at the moment, I'm happy. And I have to go take the dogs for a walk!

Bye! <3

I feel ill.

So the asshole continued to bitch at me and the mods stepped in, and then this morning I get a comment from one of the mods saying he deleted all of his comments and left the community, and was a friend of hers (though she apparently was against what he was doing).

Just ugh. I wanna crawl into a fucking hole and die. I ended up deleting the post, because the whole thing really upset me- I'm pathetic- and now I'm just... -.-

I can't leave the community, because it's the only place where I can be really open about what happened to me and the only place I can talk to people who understand me. Otherwise, I would, because I feel like shit. Why did he leave? I was reasonable and non-threatening and didn't insult him at all, and the mods just warned him not to be so attacking of me and intervened, and then he fucking left and I feel like the bad guy. He even apologised for railing at me.

I feel like shit. I know I shouldn't, really, but I do.

And I came pretty close to hospitalising myself again, last night.

Been neglecting my journal horribly, sorryyyy! iSuck. 

Is everybody okay?

I've just been distracted by this thing called real life >.< Uh, my dad's dog Goofy of thirteen years old died, just.. fell asleep in the sunshine in the window and didn't wake up again. That was really sad. He lived a good life and died happy, but he was so healthy nobody really expected him to go yet, dad was real upset, so that calls for 'family time', meaning I can no longer just hide away in my room at the computer the whole time, I actually eat at a table like a civilised person, and watch tv and.. stuff. So yeah, there's that, plus hanging out with Tass, and therapy. And also I've been busy with my Greenwood application sorta, in the end I just bit the bullet and was all brave and went over there (it's actually not a huge distance away from me) and spoke to the admissions people about my psychological assessment, and gave them a letter from my therapist, and they said they'd base their judgement of me on my grades and my portfolio, not my past or my psychological assessment. So.. yeah. o.o I'm a little more hopeful now.

RIP Goofy :(

Dad can't be without a dog that's his own, so- without wanting to replace Goofy, but needing a dog- we're going to the shelter tomorrow to look at the rescue dogs there. Goofy was a rescue.

Why is Wii sports so theraputic? I mean, even just the tennis and bowling. The boxing is FANTASTIC for getting rid of built up aggression. But the tennis is a great moodlifter, even if just for the replays. Lmfao. Swingswingswing. 

Ash keeps pwning me at everything though. Damn cop with his damn fitness needs and training. Grrr. Although I don't know why that makes him so much better than me at the bowling. -.-

Aya pwns me too but that's just plain unfair. He shouldn't be able to.

He's all... yakuza affiliated and shit <.< WHICH MAKES ME FEEL A FUCKING LOT SAFER. But is also mildly scary. And he's good at.. aiming things and he's stronger than he looks.

I know, what is a cop doing dating a yakuza bitch. Long story, let's not go there. And I know it sounds like bullshit >.< but it's true. He really is.

He doesn't actually DO anything with them though, they're just his family and he knows how to protect himself. And there are many scary people around on his and therefore my side in a crisis. That feels good. They don't really like Ash though :-\

I fail at drawing lately; I tried to draw Honey from Ouran Highschool Host Club and OMG, FAIL. Not fair, I'm usually really good, but he just.. I failed him. His eyes were too close together and dodgy shapes and even being an accomplished drawer I can't seem to master that thing where there grin is in the shape of their chin.. It's so weird. I drew the uniform well though, and hair.

Winston is asleep in my lap, and he can't hear me telling him to get off so I can go pee because he's deaf, but I don't want to like.. shove him and scare the hell out of him. What to do? Ash said poke him in the stomach; but that feels mean.

I'm pretty much back to normal today.. I went to see Tass, and we spent alot of time just talking and cuddling. I really didn't feel like I could have sex, I don't know why, but he was really okay with that and this is why I love him, he's just sickeningly perfect ^o^

I'm running out of things to say..

Yeah <.< ran out. Byeeeee.

It's wonderful what a smile can hide
If the teeth shine right and it's nice and wide
It's so magical what you can keep inside
And if you bury it deep no one can find a thing, no.

So come on now, open wide, open up now.
Don't you think it's time
To look back at that boy on his way to school
Such a heavy heart, such a heavy jewel hiding something that one day he'll sell
But now if no one shows, no one tells a thing, no.

So come on love, open wide, open up now
Don't you think it's time?

( Continued Under Cut... )

~ Patrick Wolf - Overture.

i want to die


i don't know how not to want that lately


tass shouted at me for it

Yes, I'm obsessed, I know. Frankly if you only just got that now you haven't been paying attention..

<

( More pictures below the cuuuuut. )